When I’m gone

What kind of funeral would you like to have? What would your final wishes be?

This is a conversation (albeit, a morbid one!) that I have had with friends and family a few times. I know exactly what I want, and since I am going to be stating it in a public place such as  this,my family have no reason not to understand my wishes should I die an early death.

I don’t want an outrageously expensive funeral. I have never been one for extravagance. I want the songs “Some Sweet Day” by Mariah Carey and Boys II Men, and “You’ll Never Walk Alone” from one of my favourite movies, Carousel.

Since Im not an overly religious person, I don’t want the service to be held in a church. The service hall at the local cemetery will suffice.

Big fat "NO" to my funeral procession please!

I don’t want a funeral procession (ok, my immediate family can follow the coffin) because I absolutely hate how much it slows down traffic to our area of town (we live near the local cemetery and there is only one entrance in to our suburb…right across the road from the cemetery entrance)

Ok, it may seem disrespectful of me saying that, but is it such bad thing that I don’t want a heap of cars creating a traffic jam on my behalf? I have seen some drivers do some  pretty outrageous things to avoid processions, I don’t want to put my friends and family at risk of those idiots.



Reason #3- make sure I'm dead!!

I want the cheapest coffin you can buy. I don’t care if it’s a cardboard box! I want to be burnt to a crisp anyway, so what is the point of buying an expensive coffin that I am never going to see? I want to be cremated. DO NOT bury me! This is for many reasons:

1) I don’t want bugs eating at me as I decompose

2) I don’t want to be exhumed after 100+ years to make room for new bodies. I doubt that this practise is used here, but you never know. When I’m gone, I want to stay in peace!

3) Cremate me to make sure I’m dead!

4) My family then wont have the worry about a headstone. How big? What to write? I don’t care, I don’t want one!

5) Lastly, and most importantly, I would like my ashes to be scattered. I would rather my family to visit a place that is special to me rather than a depressing cemetery.


I would prefer everyone not to wear black, but that can be up to them. I want bright, happy colours!


Afterwards, for a wake, I want there to be one heck of a party! I wants lots of laughing. I want my friends and family to share good stories. I want my cousins to talk about how I own the rank of “Cubby Queen”. I want my friends to laugh over how I had insatiable passion for climbing trees after a few too many drinks. I want my husband to think about our happiest days, such as our wedding day or the birth of our children (and he can forget the bits where I tried to bite him during  my labours….sorry about that!!) I want my kids to remember about cooking with me, dress ups, the tickles…


I want everyone to get roaring drunk! (Well…everyone of drinking age…of course!) I want them to play the drinking games I used to (and still do when in the right environment) such as “Three Man” or “Drunken Scene It”, or if they are feeling adventurous “Have, Have Not” (ouch…that game is lethal!)

Afterwards, I want my immediate family to do a pilgrimage together to scatter my ashes, just like Orlando Bloom’s character did in the move Elizabethtown. I want to be scattered everywhere. A part of me thrown from the lookout tower where my husband proposed, the park where we married, just outside the hospital where my kids were born, some in the sea at Middleton Beach (a local beach….because I always had so much fun there) and then, if possible, I want to be thrown off a mountain top somewhere in Scotland. As long as I can remember, I have had an obsession with that country. I don’t know why, as I have never been there, and don’t really have any family there, but it has always felt like….home, like I belong there. Then anywhere else my family thinks acceptable.

All in all, like most people, I want my death to be of celebration, not despair! I want my death to have the party of the century! Of course, I want to die an old lady…so I’m hoping that by then, I will have given people much more things to laugh over at my wake!

If my family members reading this don’t comply to my wishes…. I WILL COME BACK AND HAUNT YOU!!!

Watch out!!

What are your final wishes?

Bella 🙂


2 thoughts on “When I’m gone

  1. I like this. I like the idea of a celebration after death – we had this for my grandfather, a wake with singing and dancing and his sisters playing the spoons. It was a beautiful thing, a true celebration of life.

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