Funny Story

I won a copy of “The Mum Who Roared”  by Christie Nicholas in an online competition a while ago, and it finally arrived yesterday. After only a few pages, I was laughing and was able to nod my head in agreement. I highly recommend this book.

A couple of chapters in, I came across something I had to share.

Get a copy! It's a great read!

Funny Story about Motherhood (by anon.)

Your clothes:

1st Baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your ob/gyn confirms your pregnancy.

2nd Baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.

3rd Baby: Your maternity clothes are your regular clothes.

 

Preparing for the birth:

1st Baby: You practise your breathing religiously.

2nd Baby: You don’t bother because you remember that last time breathing didn’t do a thing.

3rd Baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.

 

The layette:

1st Baby: You pre-wash newborn’s clothes, colour co-ordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby’s little bureau.

2nd Baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard the one with the darkest stains.

3rd Baby: Boys can wear pink, can’t they?

 

Worries:

1st Baby: At the first sign of distress- a whimper, a frown- you pick up the baby.

2nd Baby: You pick up the baby when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.

3rd Baby: You teach your three-year-old who to rewind the mechanical swing.

 

Dummy:

1st Baby: If the dummy falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash it and boil it.

2nd Baby: When the dummy falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby’s bottle.

3rd Baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

 

Nappies:

1st Baby: You change your baby’s nappy every hour, whether they need it or not.

2nd Baby: You change your baby’s nappy every two to three hours, if needed.

3rd Baby: You try to change their nappy before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

 

Activities:

1st Baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing and Baby Story Hour.

2nd Baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.

3rd Baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

 

Going out:

1st Baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.

2nd Baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.

3rd Baby: You leave instruction for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

 

At home:

1st Baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.

2nd Baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn’t squeezing, poking or hitting the baby.

3rd Baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

 

Swallowing Coins:

1st Baby: When your first child swallows a coin, you rush to the hospital and demand x-rays.

2nd Child: When the second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.

3rd Child: When the third child swallows a coin, you deduct it from his allowance!

 

Hope you enjoyed that as much as I did!

Bella 🙂

 

 

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