I won a copy of “The Mum Who Roared” by Christie Nicholas in an online competition a while ago, and it finally arrived yesterday. After only a few pages, I was laughing and was able to nod my head in agreement. I highly recommend this book.
A couple of chapters in, I came across something I had to share.
Funny Story about Motherhood (by anon.)
1st Baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your ob/gyn confirms your pregnancy.
2nd Baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd Baby: Your maternity clothes are your regular clothes.
Preparing for the birth:
1st Baby: You practise your breathing religiously.
2nd Baby: You don’t bother because you remember that last time breathing didn’t do a thing.
3rd Baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.
1st Baby: You pre-wash newborn’s clothes, colour co-ordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby’s little bureau.
2nd Baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard the one with the darkest stains.
3rd Baby: Boys can wear pink, can’t they?
1st Baby: At the first sign of distress- a whimper, a frown- you pick up the baby.
2nd Baby: You pick up the baby when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd Baby: You teach your three-year-old who to rewind the mechanical swing.
1st Baby: If the dummy falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash it and boil it.
2nd Baby: When the dummy falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby’s bottle.
3rd Baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
1st Baby: You change your baby’s nappy every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd Baby: You change your baby’s nappy every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd Baby: You try to change their nappy before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
1st Baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing and Baby Story Hour.
2nd Baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd Baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
1st Baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd Baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd Baby: You leave instruction for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
1st Baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd Baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn’t squeezing, poking or hitting the baby.
3rd Baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
1st Baby: When your first child swallows a coin, you rush to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd Child: When the second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd Child: When the third child swallows a coin, you deduct it from his allowance!
Hope you enjoyed that as much as I did!