A heartbreaking choice (Hollie’s Story)

I would like to introduce Hollie Gilmore-Lindroth. This lovely lady and I went to high school together. We lost contact for a while after school ended until a couple of years ago when our eldest children were in the same class.

In the years we were disconnected, she was placed in a horrible scenario. She has kindly agreed to share her story. It is written in two parts. The first was written a week after she lost her daughter, Angelina, and Hollie shared this part on the bubhub.com website. The second part was written seven and half years later.

It’s not a nice story. The loss of a child never is. But we wanted to share so that the story can be seen by those going through a similar situation, and hopefully it can help them.

Bella 🙂

PART ONE:

Hi. I’m Hollie and I am going to share my story with you about my 3 children, particularly my 2nd little Girl Angelina May, born and died 7th September 2005.

It all began on the 16th of April 2005.
A new life began that night and was unknown to me for 2 weeks. My husband and I were overjoyed but a little bit afraid of how the pressure would affect me, as we had a 7 month old at the time( my daughter Casey, now 15 months). With me only just turning 20, I was and still am very young.

With the pregnancy came depression and all-day morning sickness. As we were in a bit of a financial hole we couldn’t afford to have the 12 week ultrasound and only opted to have the 20 week one. My belly grew big very fast and a lot of people joked that I was having twins(and secretly I thought I was too).

Then came the 20 week ultrasound, I was 19 weeks and 1 day. I was all excited sitting in the chair holding onto my hubby’s hand when they delivered the news….my baby had a severe case of spina bifida. I bawled and wondered why this had happened to us and what we could do for this baby.

We were rushed to Perth for extensive tests with the head of radiology for Western Australia. She told us that we had a baby girl but she will never be able to walk, go to the toilet by herself and possibly never have kids. That wasn’t even the half of it, we could probably handle the physical side of things (just). They said the fluid on the brain was borderline severe and was most likely to get worse, resulting in them having to drain the fluid before she was born which 90% results in death. Plus they couldn’t see the formation of the hemispheres of the brain through the fluid.

We were told we had to make a decision in less than a week. Being Christians, we didn’t want to take this life away, but we thought what sort of life would she have here?? We have a chance to take her future pain away and we would see her when we return to Heaven.

With much pain and emotion we decided to let her go and she was born on the 7th of September 2005 and surprised us and the doctors by surviving for 1 hour and 40 minutes. What a blessing!!

Her due date is the 23rd of January 2006 and it really hurts to know that I will never get to see my baby girl, ANGELINA MAY, grow up, but we know she is safe and happy in God’s arms.

If you are reading this, and you are pregnant, or are trying for a baby, please, please, please take the folate, and have all the tests because everyone is at risk.
To all the parents who have children with disabilities: I really admire you and the strong personality you need to be a parent of a child with special needs. Please don’t be angry at us for choosing to let her go. She was and always will be our daughter and a part of our lives.

PART TWO (7.5yrs later):

So within a year I watched my mum give birth to my baby sister late Nov 2005 (yes, we were pregnant at the same time). This was really hard but I was so thankful to be involved and my sister and I now have a very close connection.

Shortly after my sisters birth I went downhill, and ended up at the hospital for a few weeks and diagnosed me with Severe Post Natal Depression, Anxiety and Post Traumatic Stress. Needless to say my marriage started to falter and we separated not even a year after we lost our little girl. It was extremely hard on both of us as a young relationship, with a little girl to look after, whilst grieving for another took its toll.

My oldest daughter and I moved back down the South West of Australia to my hometown , so I could start fresh and get my life back on track. After a few years I met a man who I thought was amazing and be “The One” and we decided to get married, and he knew the hoops I needed to jump through to have a healthy baby and all of my emotions that will come with trying, conceiving and carrying another child after Angelina.

5 years after Angelina was born, I fell pregnant. Only 8 weeks into the pregnancy and a few months away from our wedding, he decided he did not want to be a husband or father, and left. We were heartbroken and the pregnancy that followed was horrific. I found out early that I had carried twins, sadly one died in the first few weeks.

After numerous scans and all the meds I needed to take to prevent Spina Bifida or a Neural Tube Defect, a specialised scan in Perth with the same Head of Radiology that scanned Angelina, performed the “Big Scan” at 16 weeks that told me I was having a healthy baby girl.

At 24 weeks I ended up getting severe Braxton Hicks contractions which rolled into early labour. It was stopped but happened again at 30 weeks and 35 weeks.

I was so scared but delivered my healthy baby girl into the world in April 2011.

There isn’t a day I don’t think about Angelina and when people ask “How many kids do you have?” I generally always reply “Three. Two here and one waiting for us in heaven.” If I didn’t have that hope that I will see her again, it would destroy me.

So far I have had a few scares with my oldest girl, now 8.5 years old and my youngest girl 2 years. But that’s another story…

 Hollie:)

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